Prosopagnosia Is

Prosopagnosia Is

so i taught myself to memorise faces
d i a g r a m a t i c a l l y
like beautiful wireframe sculptures

the tilt of a chin
the meeting of lips
the curve of eyelashes sweeping a blink
the angles of hairline-browbone-cheekbone-jaw

my own reflection
a formula wrapped in dysmorphia
painted on canvas scrolls and carved into stone

the mirror is a biblical master
a vengeful god

but a photograph
is hearing my name whispered
in a language that was excised from my mind
by a quiet stranger who follows me

always arms-length behind

– – – – –

For information about prosopagnosia, or face blindness, visit ProsopagnosiaResearch.org

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Free Rainbow Personal Size Printable Planner Calendar and Diary Inserts

Free Personal Size Printable Planner Calendar and Diary Inserts

So I totally did not need a second planner. Seriously, I didn’t. Until I saw one pop up in a sale group I’m in on Facebook and it was bright pink and beautiful and really cheap. It basically followed me home. I rescued it. Now it lives with me and is used for scheduling, tracking and bullet journal stuff (my A5 Filofax Clipbook is now my project and work planner). Look how pretty my new baby is.

Free Personal Size Printable Planner Calendar and Diary Inserts

The Hello page and the cute little Value Friendships tag came with it but other than that, it was a binder-only deal. This meant that I had an opportunity to get super creative! The dashboard, dividers and pocket fillers are made from prints of some of my own photos that I found in a cupboard recently and had completely forgotten about the existence of. The black and white magnetic bookmarks are from WH Smith and the sticky arrows are from Tesco.  The cards in the pocket are for my various jobs but they’re really just in there cause I love how they look.

I also designed and made my first ever set of inserts! They’re undated so I thought it would be nice to share them with anyone else out there who is looking for rainbow-themed diary and calendar inserts for their personal size planner. The downloadable PDFs are all ready-to-print on A4 paper. Set your printer to borderless and they should come out the right size. There are handy cut marks as well to help you know where to slice.

The inserts are free for personal use.
All I ask is that if you want to share them with other people, please kindly share the link to this blog post so people can come here and download them rather than sharing the files themselves. Thank you and I love you and all that good stuff.


WEEK ON TWO PAGES

This is what it looks like printed.
Free Personal Size Printable Planner Calendar and Diary Inserts

This is a preview of the downloadable file.
Week On Two Pages A4 PREVIEW

You can download the PDF by clicking HERE.


MONTH ON TWO PAGES

This is what it looks like printed.
Free Personal Size Printable Planner Calendar and Diary Inserts

This is a preview of the downloadable file.
Month On Two Pages A4 PREVIEW

You can download the PDF by clicking HERE.


THIS MONTH AND WEEK BY WEEK PAGES

This is what they look like printed.
Free Personal Size Printable Planner Calendar and Diary Inserts

Free Personal Size Printable Planner Calendar and Diary Inserts

This is a preview of the downloadable file.
This Month and Week By Week A4 PREVIEW

You can download the PDF by clicking HERE.


The gorgeous font is a free one called Kingthings Pique’n’meex. You can see and download all of Kingthings’ free fonts on DaFont and check out Kingthings.co.uk for paid versions with extra bits.

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To Anyone Who Has Ever Been Told To Calm Down

To Anyone Who Has Ever Been Told To Calm Down 1000px

you are allowed to be angry
when your heart pounds and rushes like a stampede
or a hailstorm and your hands shake as your fingernails sink
deep in your flesh and you don’t even notice the vapour of your
blood as it boils in your veins, never forget you are allowed to be angry

you are allowed to be angry
you have permission to imagine your bare fists bursting through bone and
your teeth tearing muscle from tendon, even in a world that insists
you prioritise dutiful silence and imagined responsibility over
yourself, never forget you are allowed to be angry

you are allowed to be angry
when you take another deep breath and gather words
tip-toeing softly on eggshells because god forbid you become
uncontrollable and inconvenient even as you are biting your lip until
iron and regret flood your mouth, never forget you are allowed to be angry

you are allowed to be angry
you have permission to embrace and nurture the seeds of your revolution
even as the freezing expectation of should wraps you in paralysis and
you split yourself in two again because whatever gets you through
the night, never forget you are allowed to be angry

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Plan With Me: April 2016

Plan With Me April 2016

I’m still completely in love with my A5 Filofax Clipbook and the longer I work with a paper planning system the more I feel satisfied that I’m actually staying organised and keeping all my stuff and things in order. I’m also finding it really therapeutic to decorate weekly and monthly calendar pages, as well as trackers and budget lists, each month. It’s lovely to have such a practical hands-on hobby that I can enjoy even when I’m not well enough to be up and about or don’t have much energy to spare outside of work and university.

Plan With Me April 2016

You might have noticed I went a bit crazy with glitter washi tape this month. The solid purple glitter tape is from Sainsbury’s (I can even find irresistible stationery when I’m grocery shopping) and the others are from The Works. I discovered The Works recently when I needed a little pick-me-up and their prices are amazing, so I ordered a heap of gorgeous tapes. They’ve been integrated into my collection now and I can’t remember which ones came from where, but I think I got about 15 rolls for under £10 including postage in that batch. I also used some cute silver star outline stickers from Hobbycraft to decorate my month-to-view calendar.

I chose not to set any specific goals in terms of how many times I’m aiming to do anything for the month of April because this is one of my two busiest months of the year with work so my actual goal is just to get through the month in one piece and able to stay awake for more than an hour at a time by the end of it.

Since tracking blog posts (this one and RockstarVanityPhotoBlog.com) and Instagram posts (@decemberbliss and @rockstarvanity) for the last couple of months, I found I’ve been posting more often and more regularly without even really trying to. Such is the motivating effect of having little boxes to fill in when I do a thing. I decided to add Twitter (@decemberbliss and @rockstarvanity) and DeviantArt journals to my tracker this month as well as my usual studying/tutorials, recreational reading, yoga and personal care stuff.

I really like my front page for the month. It’s minimal and pretty, and I’m sort of addicted to my black Bic Z4+ 0.5mm needle point roller pen right now. It’s funny how totally out of the way of writing I’d gotten and I’ve noticed that my handwriting in general has become neater and more controlled now that I’m exercising those muscles regularly again. My study notes have even started to be pretty instead of looking like a spider rolled in coloured ink and cartwheeled across the page. Not that it’s important in the grand scheme of forensic psychology to have pretty notes, but it definitely makes studying even more enjoyable. Plus, it’s another excuse to indulge my love of pens and notebooks. Like I need another excuse.

Plan With Me April 2016

My week-on-two-pages layout hasn’t changed much, apart from being a lot more decorated than last month. I’m still tracking my yoga practice, daily gratitude and internet posts. There are no words for how excited I was when I found this adorable washi tape with little cameras on it! It’s so perfect for marking days when I’m doing live internet coverage for work, even though I’m technically using a phone camera rather than a camera-camera for that.

My planner has five main sections – current month, projects, notes, previous months and spare paper – but I wanted to divide my projects section further, so I made little half-sized dividers out of coloured card with purple glitter washi tape tabs. My life is made of purple glitter washi tape and I’m not even trying to fight it any more.

April marks the end of the week-on-two-pages inserts that came with my Clipbook and I’ve already been thinking about what to do next month. I’ve been looking at some downloadable inserts but I’m seriously considering making my own. I love the idea of being able to create custom inserts with layouts that work for me in colours I like and it feels like a fun challenge to tackle because it’s been a while since I did any design for print. I’ll be honest, my brain is exploding with ideas for printable inserts and I’m considering making them available to download, although logic has kicked in and I know I’ll need to wait until work calms down again, or maybe even until this university term ends, before I can take on any projects beyond just making things for my own personal use.

Finally, nothing to do with planning but definitely worth a mention. I’ve now been a non-smoker for over two months! I officially quit on 21st January 2016 and have reached a point I never thought I’d reach – I find the smell of cigarette smoke disgusting. To celebrate the discovery of willpower I genuinely didn’t know I had, I treated myself to a super cute purple Kangertech SUBOX Nano to vape with so I’m now enjoying ridiculous clouds and a sense of deep satisfaction from having kicked tobacco for good.

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No ‘Poo (Short, Fine, Dyed Hair) Day 14 and I’m a Convert

No Poo Day 14

When I started this no ‘poo experiment (see day 1 here and day 7 here) I expected to find myself on a rollercoaster of hair-related adventure, struggling with greasiness and/or dryness, finding the whole thing massively inconvenient and dithering over whether to stick with it or not.

What actually happened is that I found something I can wash and condition with that is really kind to my hair and scalp, stops my hair getting greasy between washes and doesn’t mean I have to give up the small amount of styling products I use to make my awkward-in-between-length hair look vaguely alright for longer than 5 minutes after I dry it.

There is literally nothing complicated or difficult about using diluted bicarbonate of soda instead of shampoo and diluted apple cider vinegar as conditioner. A couple of times I’ve left it three or four days between washes and everything has been fine. A couple of times I’ve only left it two days and still everything has been fine. Basically, it’s really easy, my hair and scalp are happy, I’m sticking with it and I don’t see any point in repeatedly blogging “Yes, everything is still OK”.

The pictures above are from day 14 (I’m a day late posting them) and although my hair looks a lot lighter in the close-up picture than it has in previous photos, it’s exactly the same shade. It’s just really shiny (thanks to argan oil and a little bit of mousse) and it was a super sunny day so the strong sunlight hitting the lighter top layers meant more of my natural dark blonde showed through from underneath. The random fly-away bits of hair in the not-close-up picture are the result of there being a fan on in front of me. It had been on all morning and I’d forgotten it was there so I didn’t think to turn it off when I was taking the photos. Welcome to my world, where I can spend fifteen minutes wondering where a draught is coming from and not realise it’s coming from the fan that I turned on.

So I’m officially a no ‘poo convert. I haven’t been using anything expensive or difficult to get hold of. My bicarb is 85p from Sainsbury’s and my apple cider vinegar is £1.75 from Holland & Barrett. Both last for ages. A friend said he’d seen my post about no ‘poo, decided to try washing with water only and his hair looked amazing so once mine gets to a length where I can tie it back on in-between days, that might be my next experiment…

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To Someone You Eat Pizza With

To Someone You Eat Pizza With

Like when someone you haven’t seen in months doesn’t notice how much weight you’ve lost and emptiness tastes so much better than food for a few days after.

When shoulders that can hold up the world seem somehow less than delicate wrists with a child’s watch, hanging loose on bones that still bear the never-quite-healed cracks of too many fractures and the memory of jeans that slid over narrow hips and the gap between waistband and concave stomach.

When you laugh about how sweet you take your coffee because you used to count it as food, the only calories you will allow yourself today, sixteen in each spoonful of sugar, and the habit never totally left, even after you started eating solid things again.

Standing in front of the mirror, breathing in, trying not to long for xylophone ribs and telling yourself over and over that you shouldn’t miss the spikes and troughs of skin stretched over skeleton.

Repeating the mantra it is better to be healthy and trying to resist the urge to stealthily spit the concept of health into a napkin and hold it under the table, rolled in cold spidery hands until you can safely dispose of it without anyone noticing.

And you know you could go back, so easily, any time you wanted but you also know you won’t. You grieve for the loss of the person you were for so many years and the person you might have been, if only. This is not a good if only.

When you refer to how you used to have an eating disorder and drape what you hope is a casual smile across your face because you don’t think anyone could look at you and believe there was ever a time in your life when you didn’t really eat. Because you do eat now. Of course you do. Obviously. Except for the times when you don’t.

When you get scared of the space you take up so you cut the food on your tiny plate into miniature pieces, eat half of them and spend the next twenty minutes arranging the rest into the corner of a circle, a place that doesn’t even exist.

When you fix your eyes on the bathroom wall and refuse to look down in the shower because today you don’t want to see, but you still allow your mind to wander over the parts of your body that didn’t used to be there, telling yourself again that yes, this is worth it. No matter how much, on some days, it feels like it isn’t.

When he wraps his arms around you and says you’re so tiny and you know that he means it in comparison to his own broad shoulders and hands that easily encase the width of your back and not like the ache of tentatively expressed concern as he counts the bones of your spine with his fingertips again.

And if you ever need to be reminded why you left yourself behind and became something less like a ghost and more like a real person with all the solidity that involves, you look in his eyes and convince yourself to accept the beauty reflected in his smile that no mirror ever allowed you to feel.

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No ‘Poo (Short, Fine, Dyed Hair) Day 7

No Poo Day 7

It’s been a week since I began my no poo experiment (that’s ‘no shampoo’ in case you’re wondering) and things are going reasonably well so far. As a quick recap for anyone too lazy to click a link, I’m currently not using commercial shampoo and conditioner and am instead washing my hair with bicarbonate of soda and water, then conditioning it with an apple cider vinegar and water rinse.

I did a no poo wash between day one and today, but it was dark at the time so I couldn’t get a decent daylight photo and I was rushing out the door to a meeting, so the photos above are from today – my third no poo wash. I’m having absolutely zero issues with greasiness or cleansing, which is awesome. Post-first-wash, my hair got about as greasy as I’d expect it to after two days. Post-second-wash, it didn’t get greasy at all but was messy as hell cause that’s what my hair does. It’s short and layered and ‘messy as hell’ is its natural state of being once it’s been slept on.

The problem I’m having is that my very fine hair is, well, very fine. Like an obstinate adolescent, it does what it wants. If it was thicker, coarser, longer or even all one length I’d probably be super happy right now to have ridiculously soft, shiny hair. As things stand, it’s driving me crazy (check out my grumpy face in the photo) cause it just kind of sinks into floppy flatness without styling products and no amount of productless styling will change that. The post-first-wash bounciness was obviously beginners luck and not to be trusted to be an ongoing thing.

So I’m going to cheat. The next time I wash my hair, I’m going to use a little bit of styling product when I dry it. The bicarb is such an amazing cleanser that I reckon with a lot of pre-wash rinsing I might be able to get away with occasionally using mousse to achieve the volume I crave without build up. I haven’t seen anything online from anyone who has used styling products will no poo-ing, so I feel like a bit of a pioneer here.

I have a busy few days coming up so I don’t know that I’ll definitely get a photo after the next wash, but I’ll endeavour to photograph the was after that so there’ll be evidence of how effective no poo is at removing a bit of mousse.

And if you’re wondering about the sunglasses, they were in the Day 1 photos so I feel like they’re part of this whole thing now.

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It’s OK To Express Yourself Through Images Of Yourself

It's OK To Express Yourself Through Images Of Yourself

This is a reminder that it’s OK to express yourself through images of yourself. It’s OK to take photos of yourself, to draw or paint pictures of yourself. It’s also OK to write poetry, stories, essays and blogs based on your own experiences and ideas.

It’s OK to share those things with your family, your friends, your community and the whole world if you want to. If you don’t want to, that’s OK too, but it doesn’t mean that other people shouldn’t. Your choices are your own and deciding where, when or even if your image and your words are seen is an act of empowerment and you deserve to be empowered, to empower yourself.

Self-portraits are not new. Autobiographies and memoirs are not new. But somehow as soon as people – especially women, especially young women, especially people in minority groups or oppressed groups, or people on the fringes of society, or people with lifestyles outside of the mainstream – have access to the tools and channels to place their pictures and words in the public sphere without prior approval from the powers that be, it’s all ridicule, shaming and accusations of narcissism.

It’s OK to feel confident. It’s OK to feel beautiful. It’s OK to not feel confident or not feel beautiful or not to care about, or be motivated by, the concept of beauty in the slightest but to accept that you are as worthy as anyone else of existing and taking up space and being seen and heard and represented.

And if anyone ever dares to tell you that your face or your body or your voice are not acceptable, if anyone ever dares to tell you to sit down and shut up, to be less visible, to be less anything, that says nothing at all about you and everything about them.

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No ‘Poo (Short, Fine, Dyed Hair) Day 1

No Poo Day 1

I’ve been reading recently about the no poo (it’s short for no shampoo, nothing to do with the other kind of poo) method. If you’ve never heard of it before, it’s basically not using commercial shampoo and conditioner so as to break the cycle of stripping natural oils from your hair and scalp resulting in excessive oil production. It’s supposed to be kinder to your hair and your skin as well as the environment, which all sound like good things. On the various blogs I’ve read and YouTube videos I’ve watched, it seems that some people use natural shampoos, some use other substances like baking soda and apple cider vinegar, and some use just water. When I first read about this I thought it was heading a bit too far into crunchy territory, even for me, but I was intrigued especially as people had reported such great results and posted lots of pictures of luscious, clean, beautiful hair. Some even said they thought their hair grew more quickly but I’m not sure what the theory behind that is or whether it’s even possible.

I’m aware that ‘commercial’ probably isn’t the right word to use but I can’t think of another word that explains it properly. I refuse to refer to ‘chemical’ anything because everything has chemicals in it and it grates on my nerves when people talk about chemicals as if they’re all made-made or all bad. So when I say commercial shampoo here, I’m referring to plastic bottles of foamy, scented, sodium lauryl sulfate stuff found in the hair product section of shops. If you can think of a better word to describe that kind of shampoo, leave a comment and let me know.

I asked my Facebook hive mind (science hippies, assemble!) and quite a few of my friends had experience of not using commercial shampoo and conditioner, and their experience was generally positive. I’m up for trying pretty much anything (my favourite double edged sword) so I figured I’d give it a shot. I’d like to say I’m definitely going to stick with this for a month or three months or some other time frame that suggests dedication to the experiment but I’ll be honest with you, I hate wearing hats so if my hair looks absolutely horrendous every single day after a week or two, I might quit. The biggest issue I foresee with not using shampoo is not being able to use styling products because it wouldn’t be possible to wash them out properly. I literally do not remember the last time I didn’t use styling products. So yeah, I don’t know how I’m going to feel about that as time goes on but we’ll see.

MY HAIR
Ok, so a bit of background about my hair cause if you’ve found your way here thinking of having a go at no poo it might help you to have a frame of reference for my experience. My hair is short (chin length and layered on one side and the front, shaved but grown out to a couple of centimetres on the other side) and very fine with a natural kink that can manifest as anything from a slight wave to full-on poodle aesthetic depending on temperature and humidity. It’s also been dyed. A lot. The colour in the photos above has been through the following stages over the course of a few months – my natural dark blonde, bleached to light blonde, dyed bright blue every three weeks for a while then ignored for a couple of months until it faded to a mid-blue, then dyed over with a dark blonde permanent dye that did nothing but mute the blue into a soft teal. I have a couple of months of regrowth going on and I’m planning to let it grow for a while, not dye it at all and see what happens (or how long it takes me to get bored).

MY NO POO RECIPE
The most common no poo substances (I still can’t get past the word poo because my inner child is vocal and stubborn) are baking soda and apple cider vinegar. Although baking soda is alkaline and wouldn’t be good to use on its own with any degree of frequency, the acidic vinegar apparently neutralises the pH of your hair to whatever the pH of hair is supposed to be. Some sites I read mentioned baking powder rather than baking soda. These are actually different things. Baking powder seems to be baking soda with some other stuff added to it, so I went with just baking soda and suffered no ill effects even though I have sensitive skin. The ‘shampoo’ was made from 1 tablespoon of baking soda and 1 cup (237 ml) of water shaken up in a squeezy bottle and the ‘conditioner’ was made from 1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar and 1 cup of water, also shaken up in a squeeze bottle. I applied the baking soda and water, massaged it in, then rinsed well. I used the apple cider vinegar and water as a rinse, leaving it on for a couple of minutes before rinsing again with clean water.

HOW IT FEELS
Weird at first but great now. It’s not that my hair didn’t feel clean, because it did (its last wash a couple of days ago had been with shampoo and conditioner, and I hadn’t used any styling products afterwards so there was nothing to wash out), it just felt not very soft to the touch. When I got out of the shower, I sort of nervously poked at my hair a bit before wrapping it in a towel and it felt like it used to feel after it had been dyed but not yet conditioned. I envisaged spending half an hour trying to get a comb through it and resisted the urge to get back in the shower and tip a bottle of conditioner over my head. I was pleasantly surprised though! My hair was super easy to comb and dried in about a third of time it usually takes. I used a blow dryer cause the only way I’m going to be alright with not using styling products is if I can at least coax my hair into some sort of shape while I dry it. And then use straighteners to sort the front out a bit. Give me electricity or give me death. One day I might be one of those people who lets their hair air dry, but not this day. As soon as my hair was dry I noticed it felt softer and more whooshy (scientific terminology) than usual and looked thicker. As I’m writing this a few hours later, it still looks much fuller than it normally does which is awesome cause my hair tends to flatten pretty quickly even when I’ve velcro roller’d and fibre putty’d it.

HOW IT LOOKS
The photos at the top of the post were not taken as soon as I finished drying my hair. They were taken after I’d been out at the shops and had completely forgotten to take my sunglasses off when I came back home. I realised when I looked at the photo that I was still wearing them but I quite like the little reflection so this is the photo I’m sticking with. I also took a close-up of just my hair to give an idea of texture and shine. The photos were taken with my phone in front of a window and haven’t had anything done to them so if I do stick with this and take more photos, I’ll endeavour to repeat those conditions.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
Based on everything I’ve read and watched, no poo lulls you into a false sense of security at the beginning by making your hair look all beautiful and shiny the first time before it turns into a moody greasy mess for a couple of weeks. No poo wisdom also suggests leaving it at least three or four days between washes, if not longer. I tend to wake up looking like a emotionally scarring LSD induced hallucination of Sonic the Hedgehog to the point where even heat styling won’t help gravity win the battle with my hair, so three or four days between washes will be ‘interesting’. I suspect I might have to start making friends with hats or become better acquainted with those recipes for cornstarch dry shampoo I’ve noticed on Pinterest (I imagine shop-bought dry shampoo isn’t a good idea since it needs regular shampoo to wash it out). Onwards!

Have you tried no poo? How did it go for you? If you haven’t tried it, would you? Since I’m just discovering this world of home made hair care, feel free to leave links to any helpful resources you’ve found (or written).

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A Little Goes A Long Way: How Yoga Saved Me

I found this video from the wonderful Yoga With Adriene today and it was exactly what I needed. I absolutely adore yoga, mostly because it’s something I can actually do to remind my muscles what they’re there for when I can’t do anything else. Even on days when I can’t walk, when I can’t stand up, I can still do some kind of yoga. I need to be careful not to overdo it and I have to be selective about what I try on days when moving around is difficult and potentially dangerous, but it feels so good to have this wonderful thing that calms my mind and is kind to my body even when being upright isn’t an option. There are still days when I can’t manage it at all but on the days when I can, it’s a blessing. It’s been a blessing since I tried my very first complete beginners practice back in 2014.

I started Adriene’s Yoga Camp at the beginning of January this year. It’s a thirty day programme and I knew when I started that it wasn’t going to take me thirty days. My aim was, and still is, to complete it over three months. I’d been making progress but then the middle of February happened and threw a spanner in the works. First, I got sick. Not the regular all-the-time sick that I usually am, but additional-sick, normal-person-sick, curse-my-non-existent-immune-system-sick – boring old deeply inconvenient flu. I had a couple of very busy work days that couldn’t be rescheduled and all that happening at once totally floored me. The last couple of weeks have been unfortunately yogaless which should have been super frustrating, but when your life involves having to plan days in advance when you might be able to shower based on how long it takes to recover from standing up for ten minutes and whether or not you’ll be able to buy food that week because buying food means being able to make it down the stairs, it’s counter-productive to be frustrated about not being able to do yoga. I feel like yoga wouldn’t want me to be frustrated, you know, if yoga was a person. Yeah, I can anthropomorphise anything.

This week though, this week has been better. Yesterday I felt able to get back to my practice again and (stupidly) jumped straight back into where I’d left off with the thirty day yoga camp. It turns out some of the progress I’d made with strength and flexibility had vanished in a one step forward, two steps back kind of way. Last night was agonising because I’d done that thing I seem to have a habit of doing and pushed my body harder than I should have simply because I wanted to. I’m 35 years old but I’m still a bit of a petulant child when it comes to being told I can’t do something, even when it’s my own body doing the telling.

When I got up today I hit YouTube, determined to find yoga that I could manage, that wouldn’t wipe me out, that would help me gain some of that progress back. It just so happened that the title of that video was A Little Goes A Long Way and it was perfect. These days I can think back to when I used to do gymnastics, play hockey, dance, mountain bike, run, walk for miles and all the other moving-body activities I miss, and feel happy that I got to have those experiences rather than sad because they aren’t experiences I get to have any more. I have learned to appreciate the smallest of steps and the value they have. Yoga has given that gift to me. Or yoga has helped me to give that gift to myself.

It doesn’t fix what’s broken but it helps to keep me strong so I can handle the brokenness better. It struck me recently that I will probably always have big, solid arms and shoulders from lugging the rest of me around on walking sticks and I will probably always have big, solid legs from the sheer amount of effort it takes just to hold myself up. I’d reached a point where I thought that although I look strong, overall strength and flexibility were lost to me. Yoga has shown me otherwise. Strength and flexibility are about the body but they are not only about the body and it’s pointless to compare myself to 15-years-ago me.

I can do things now that 10-years-ago-me didn’t think I would ever do again and that 5-years-ago-me had given up even grieving for. I’m not talking about miraculous physical achievements here. I’m talking about accepting my body, even with it’s current limitations, and not being angry with myself for something that wasn’t my choice or my fault. I never thought I would reach this place, but here I am.

Some days are beautiful vinyasa flow days and some days my dog couldn’t downward-face if you paid it to, but most days I can align head over heart and heart over pelvis and every day I can breathe. A little goes a long way.

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